Motherhood with ADHD: Practical Advice for Daily Life

Hi mommas! Today I wanted to talk to you about the struggles, blessings, and realities of being a mom with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Over the last two years of my motherhood journey, I have faced, head on, the difficulties and stigma surrounding mothers with mental illness and disorders.

Heres a brief history on my life leading up to my diagnosis-

Childhood and Elementary School

From a young age I was always easily distractible. I could distract myself with my own thoughts. My. family even had a running joke of yelling “squirrel!” everytime I would get distracted in the middle of talking. In school I was always in trouble for standing at my desk, walking around the classroom, and constantly talking during class. I didn’t mean to, it would just happen. My teacher would ask me why I wasn’t sitting and that’s when I’d realized I was standing or pacing. I couldn’t sit still.

But I was never diagnosed in childhood. My parents told me they thought I had ADHD but I didn’t really know what that meant and I had no knowledge on the illness.

Getting diagnosed

When I was 19 I had my daughter and fell into this deep pit of constant struggle. Becoming a mom was the hardest thing for me to do. But I kept telling myself ‘everyone struggles with motherhood’, ‘all teen/single moms have it hard’, ‘every parent feels lost in the beginning’ and I convinced myself I was just being weak and if everyone else could do it, so could I.

But I reached a breaking point. I was late to all my appointments, I could barely keep up with diaper changes and feedings, and I had zero structure in my life. I kept being told “Schedules! Schedules! Schedules! You need schedules to stay consistent and on top of everything.” and I knew they were right. So why was it so hard? Why couldn’t I hold myself accountable? Keep myself in line? I felt like I had no control over my life. I wanted to be a great mom for my daughter but all I did was lay on the couch all day in my pyjamas. I had no drive to get up and do what I had to. I couldn’t invest all my energy into anything. I would forget what I was talking about mid-sentence. I couldn’t even finish the laundry or dishes without walking away halfway through because something else caught my attention. I was a so called stay-at-home-mom who had my daughter in daycare full time. Why couldn’t I be there for her like I should? Why couldn’t I be like the moms online who had their lives together?

So I went to the doctors.

That was when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Upon learning about the disorder, I realized how much it explained my struggles. Everything made sense. I wasn’t ‘weak’ or ‘lazy’, I was dealing with an undiagnosed mental disorder.

I started medicine and talk therapy. I learned how to take control and function like an adult. I started waking up early with my daughter and actually getting dressed in the morning. We make breakfast, then spend 30 minutes playing outside. My daughter has a consistent nap time and bedtime schedule. We follow a meal plan. We have finally structure!

It wasn’t easy and it’s still not. I had to learn to automate all my bills, memberships, and orders so it wouldn’t matter when I inevitably forgot about it. I had to get used to scheduling everything and setting a million reminders and alarms on my phone. I’ve had utilize planners and todo list and use them religiously. I even have a whole drawer full of planners so when I misplace one I have an alternative option. I also have multiple daily reminders on my phone to remind me to actually use the planners. I added gps keychains to my keys for when I lose them. I set appointments in my calendar an hour earlier than they really are so I’m not late anymore.

I learned that I can’t stop myself from forgetting and messing up, but I can plan for it so when it does happen it isn’t so bad. I might not remember to water the lawn or feed the cat myself, but Alexa and Siri do! It doesn’t make me any less of a mom just because I need help to keep up and stay on track like everybody else.

As long as I am giving my all, then I am a good mom, and so are you! If you’re struggling with ADHD and motherhood, don’t be afraid to reach out and get help! Whether that means talking to a therapist, trying a new prescription, or asking friends and family for help- if you are feeling like you have no control, speak up! Motherhood is hard and when you’re dealing with mental issues it can seem impossible. Don’t let the “everyone struggles” keep you from reaching out!

I hope all of you moms out there have a great weekend and if you or a mom you know struggles with ADHD, comment below the best tips you have for staying on track while raising littles!

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Top Image: ph.theasianparent.com